Not sure Dollface knows what a snowboard is.

S just sent me this website:
Texts

Dollface: I’m going to snowboard.
And probably hurt myself
(however Chris pointed out that I already have strong wrists from handstands,
so learning to snowboard should not be so painful for me).

How does that work?

J at my work talks to his fiance
like she's 8, just hurt herself
and is trying not to make her cry any further.

I applied for a new job again.

...and you will know me by the trail of texts.

...And you will know us by the trail of dead.

I was cursing not being in the country
when ToD were on here,
(that sounds so international of me doesn't it)
except now they've announced a second night!
Home from Japan to see Trail of Dead!
What could possibly be a better day?


Modest Mouse as well.
Yes.

I was also going to mention,
that once I have completed oil painting
number 3.
I'll probably have the internet connected
at home.
Which means, lots of fun things to look forward to.
Just need to get rid of anxiety about the point of things.

Snails pace.

Is there anything I'm meant to be doing?

Waiting for the phone to ring?

I don't know what your job is...

It's a quiet time for fees people.

Ok.

The description on my email signature says Assistant Fees Officer.

Quiet it is, then.

Unfortunately for you perhaps,

you started work with us just as

our workload dried up.

Soon we will all be fighting over scraps.

I suggest you align yourself with a powerful group. :-)

I suppose we just have to keep looking healthy and

hope we wont get picked for the chambers.

I've been busy.

Jacky Winter busy.

Sometimes I can look at illustrations and fall in love with the world again.

Here's some examples:

I'm not entirely sure why it doesn't always work out for me,

this blogger thing.

Praise for The Searchers, Smith Street, Fitzroy.

I knew going to The Searchers today
would give me what I was looking for.
It is my favourite bookshop.

Alain de Botton, The consolations of philosophy.
Chapter 5, Consolation for a Broken Heart.
"1788 Arthur Schopenhauer is born in Danzig.
In later years, he looks back on the event with regret."

Schopenhauer in 1813 visits Goethe,
Goethe writes this about him:
"If you wish to draw pleasure out of life,
you must attach value to the world."

Right, chapter 5 is what I'm doing tonight.

Perhaps this is what I meant about life having
worth to someone else.
It's worthless to yourself, but to others, your life
is something, meaningful and perhaps understandable.
Perhaps now I can continue living my life,
knowing that even as an audience member,
I'm important?

Now, I'll finish my research.

Somewhat comforted.

Feeling worthwhile on a day like today.

OK so I twittered.
Twice.
I need to feel worthwhile.
I am recording things that make me feel
that life has a point.

If not to me,
someone else.

It is not me being conceited.
These comments bounce off me,
in the office or in the playground.
Comments of this type,
need to come from specific people
to mean something.

********************************************
Today is a perfect day,
loud thundery thunder and rain.

My fecking god,
I've never heard it so loud.
Now the fire alarm has been set off.

It is also Friday,
which means
beer for lunch with A.
Where he gets a female perspective,
and I get a male perspective,
which still doesn't really make sense.
********************************************

B and I have a regular conversation starter.
- Are you excited about today?
Well I have a pen that lights up so yes.
- Are you excited about today?
Yes, I'm going to write just with my left hand.
-Are you excited about today?
No, I have a life outside of work, that I want to get to.

I imagine me talking to my doctor:
"I don't think I'm depressed,
I'm not, most of the time I feel content,
even so, I can't shake the feeling that there isn't a point to life"

I understand that lots of great things happen,
they do
and I'm grateful,
I enjoy lots of things.
I just don't see the point,
when the ultimate goal is death.

Then I think about famous people that have died,
their point was to be remembered after they've gone.
And we remember them, for whatever legacy they left behind,
but comparative to those who died, who we never heard of,
I think I'm in that latter category.
I'm an audience member.

Is that reason enough?