Get outta town.

I would be looking forward to Saturday morning,
except I will be busy doing things
that keep me from sleeping.
I feel like I have an exhausting amount
of things to do over the next 10 days.

Feeling a bit clingy towards friends at the moment,
just want them around.
They all seem to be going out of town though.
I think I'm just tired, coz all I really want is to be held
and told I was safe and loved whilst I sleep.

Ghost Planes and Exciting bands.

So the others have decided that 

I've read the assignment details incorrectly, 

and that my chosen 'site' should be the same one

for all the different projects.

There's no going back, 

I have 13 days before I go overseas 

and there's no way I'm sewing everything again.

Nevertheless, I dig the comments 

about my previous work even if it's wrong

(Not sure I was aiming for a ghost plane, 

but there you are).

"Hi C, I really like this ghost plane linear view of your site. 

The ghost plane gives me the creeps, 

it reminds me of the type of planes used during 

the second world war and i think of the old war movies. 

Murray"

and

"I like your ghost plane, 

as well as that lovely dimensional map. 

Well done."

and I'm hoping this one is about mine:

"You shouldn't be able to have such a beautiful site!! 

Not fair for the rest of us."

Magic Dirt tonight, 

was in love with Raul...

But was one of those krushes 

where you forget about him

when you're not watching him play.

Maybe next boyfriend will know how 

to play drums and teach me, 

(but not be in a band).

Actually there's no next boyfriend,

going to live the rest of my days alone.

Got asked today if I was looking 

for a new house, 

the question didn't really 

sink in for a while, 

then I got it and said 

- One should move out of the bed first.

Sharing a bed with a boy who isn't your lover,

isn't that much different than sharing one who is.

Except you get to say no.

If you chase two rabbits, you wont catch either.

That has got to be my favourite saying.

A profound moment from M last night, 

- All this time, 

we've been waiting 

and waiting,

for things to get better, 

but it should have been better

all along.

Although in saying that, 

living apart for a year and a half,

seemed that it was highly likely

that things would get better when 

we were together.

Looking back though,

it was highly doubtful,

given our history,

hence our current situation.

So here I am again.

New year.

I want to spend my life with a girl like you ba ba bam bam bam

Tonight's a bit of a write off.

All I've done is pull weeds out of the garden,

plant peas

and make a Mod CD for Mr H.

With a girl like you - The Troggs-

So before this dance 

has reached the end,

to you across the floor,

my love I'll send.

I just hope and pray, 

that I'll find a way to say

can I dance with you?

Don't make em like that anymore.

I've been sitting here with a blank page open in my visual diary, 

for a few hours,

can't seem to do anything,

reality re: breakup.

It isn't easy.

Onwards and upwards though.

Chin up, walk tall.

Saw a safety pin tattoo tonight.

One day I'll get my loved tattoo.

One time I dreamt that my entire body was covered

in tattoos.

Permanency.

That's what I read.

Give me something that'll last.

Time and Space

I truly wish I had more time and space..
Yay, I'm over half way through my last textiles assignment,
I really love what I've made this time, especially the airport.

Linear map of my chosen site (Kensington)

Map being that I've chosen the unique markings in the area.

Dimensional map of site

Cut out unique markings of site.

Time and Space

Aerial View of Melbourne International Airport,

through the clouds.

Must keep going,
there's still some light in this old day.

Sorry sorry.

From: http://ffffound.com/

A drug for unfeeling, unthinking, uncaring?
The drug of choice is called Being Selfish.

Beautiful things

Site project - Textiles assignment.
What a beautiful historical suburb I live in.
I live in the cattle sale yards area
which still has the fencing and
fully enclosed fenced squares.

History of Kensington - Excerpt from Local History
On 30 August, 1856, a Crown grant was made to the Melbourne City Council for cattle saleyards on the south side of Racecourse Road, Newmarket, and the abattoirs adjoining the saleyard to the south-west.

Smile - Pearl Jam

What a beautiful song,
M put it on my leaving cd,
when I left Brisbane,
except I never listened to it until this week.
I didn't think I liked Pearl Jam.
This song is just lovely.


I miss you already,
I miss you always.


Lovely.
*********************************************************
Can't rate my Polaroid Pogo printer enough,
although the photos don't have the traditional
border, like in the good old Polaroid days,
it still rocks for convenience.

Hey look at my miniature photo album!
Well soon...
I don't have a scanner at home.
*********************************************************
Got home today and M asked if anyone had asked
me to marry them today,
Why?
-Because you look good.
No.
Oh wait yes,
D did.
I was at A's desk and D said
"Today you look..."
and held up a piece of paper
on which he'd written "10".

A said "What, no room for improvement?"
D said "Just perfect".

Why thank you.
Thank you very much.

I didn't think I was really scared of anything.

I don't like it.

I'm 29.

I don't like big things.

Fucking and punching.

Had dinner with M and B from Shitsville
(sorry Brisbane) last night,
went to The White Rabbit,
I love my local.

There was a lot of talk about school
reunions, from the opposite side of the table
than me.
I didn't even know school had ended,
let alone that we had a 10 year reunion
a few years back.
Burnt that bridge.
Totally.

Actually I knew school ended,
I just didn't know about schoolies week,
was far too busy being a career woman,
don'tcha know.

Anyway yes, I'm cool.
The point is, that reunions,
lead to Facebook,
as it is quite progressive
in the art of bringing back
zombie like people
who you a) tried to kill
b) tried to firebomb
or c) tried to stab them in the heart
with a stake, (in the more drunken moments,
thinking they were vampires).
What? Oh zombies.
No I mean people that you don't like.
Like Anton LaVey calls them,
Psychic Vampires.
Maybe they are vampires.
Or I just call them boring people,
who I wouldn't even piss on.
My piss is for the lemon tree.

The point is,
M said that I'd put a cryptic
message on Facebook,
about being away or apart.
I checked today,
and had only tried to log in via my
mobile phone,
and ended up putting my password,
"WORLDSAPART"
(...trail of dead song)
right there for everyone to see,
since the 2nd of October.
Today is what, the 16th or something?
Never mind, I'm sure if people found out
just who was the real me,
it wouldn't have taken them two weeks,
to find me
and
a) punch me
c) take me to a mental hospital
or b) give me some grammar lessons.

Ahh Zombies.

Oohh aahh I lost my jeans.

Beginners Tilt Shift.
Oui, Oui Paris
View from the Eiffel Tower.
Sydney
Japan

I have a lot I want to get done before
my holiday starts,
today's priority is converting all my songs
into MP3 versions.
It's taking a long time.

Getting drunk is no excuse for rudeness.
Or being a tosser,
or losing my jeans.
Actually it is an excuse for losing my jeans.
(Just to clarify -
I wasn't wearing them,
I didn't go home naked,
I had them in my bag).

I think I once told myself that 6 was my limit.
I should stick to that.

Be still my heart

Maybe it's listening to Punk Rock Girl
and dredging up nostalgia to a time
at the Gabba Hotel,

or maybe it's because I've taken
a bad mix of meds and coffee,

or maybe because Dollface just emailed
and said:

"25 days till take off people.

And the weather forecast for today is…

London – High 12, Low 9
Edinburgh – High 11, Low 9
Aberystwyth – High 14, Low 3"

Anyway, my heart is going berserk,
and so I replied with -
"My heart is kicking about
like a baby ready to exit."

A traditional Scottish saying:
“I don’t care if you’re a Viking,
get your axe out of my dartboard”.

This is what retirement must feel like

Monday, October 12, 2009 9:00:18 AM WST

I am 18 seconds late!

Fuck it!

Thank christ I submitted.


Still life is such a revolting art exercise,
I've never seen a still life in a gallery
that I've liked.


And can you believe I submitted this cack.
This fucker is meant to represent movement.
I had about 40 seconds in which to do it.

I just need to pass.

Now I'm going to pick up all the sequins I've dropped.

Drawing no conclusions...

If I put my drawings here,
I feel like I've achieved something.


Supposed to be the guy from Underbelly -Gyton.
Sorry mate, I'm in a rush.
(Recommended: 3 hours - actual: about 25 minutes)


Equally sorry.
(Recommended: 3 hours - actual: about 8 minutes)


Equally sorry.
(Recommended: 3 hours - actual: about 30 minutes)

5 more to do by mid-day tomorrow.
I feel shit for being too anxious to
even look at my study books over the
past few weeks,
and now leaving it go to hell,
and having to call in sick tomorrow.

Luckily I am sick, fucking 30th cold this year I think.

I hate my drawings.
:( unhappy face.

Is there a word for happy and sad at the same time?

Or is there a word for love and hate at the same time?
For Example: I fucking hate university, but I love getting grades.


This was from my first assignment... I just thought I'd put it up here,
because I like it.

Two assignments due on Monday at 9am.
It's now 4.21 Sunday afternoon.
I have just finished the first..

Textiles:



I've been working on these (and many more,
these were just the best ones),
sitting here,
sewing,
all
fecking
weekend!

Having two assignments that
are due on Monday 9am,
and starting them on Friday,
has got to be one of the most dumbest
things I have done.


Various Grey Scales

Newspaper and handmade paper, made from newspaper Grey Scale.

Cup and Saucer Visual Diary

Paper Mola (Applique - A hateful craft)

Part of my name Mola
Big thank you to darling M for finishing the sewing on this one.

3D Mola - I call them Trevor, Stanley and Edgar.

There's a prize in it, if anyone can tell me what they are.

So there you have it,
Textiles Assignment
practical component completed,
just have to write a report,
and submit it online.
I have totally failed the written side
of this.

Next is my drawing assignment.
I have about 3 hours left
until my shoulders and back
spontaneously combust.

Choose life

For the record,
I have always been independent.
I am living my life.

If that makes me try to control situations,
within my micro and macro environments,
then that is my living my life,
trying to have the best goddamned ride
I can give myself
before my body turns to dust.

If I let you into my life,
it is because I want you around.
You make up parts of my life.
There are many parts of my life.
I am available, I am also unobtainable.
I choose to be vegetarian,
I choose when I want you around,
I choose when I want to speak,
I choose to keep on living.

Occasionally molecules collide,
and form something new,
something I can't change,
something I adapt to,
something I accept.
Emotions, are mine.
I can be annoyed,
I can be grateful,
that you're around.

Interaction with me,
may cause a positive
or a negative reaction,
or a positive,
and then some day a negative.
Things change and reform,
separate and die off.
I can't help the way I am.
No one else is like me,
no one else is living my life.

I say yes to sex,
I say no to sex,
I can say yes to love
I can also say no,
I dream different dreams to you,
I dream that you are in my dreams,
I dream that I am someone else,
somewhere else.

I am hot
I am cold,
either way at the extremes,
both can burn.
Remember this,
it serves as a warning sign
to the human condition.

My terms,
my conditions,
my choices.
If I'm not happy,
if I'm not satisfied,
if I can't give myself a
money back guarantee,
then it's not on.

You interact with me,
on my terms,
but also on your terms,
for you choose to interact with me.
If you feel that it is too one sided,
that I'm taking more than I give,
that I trust you
love you
want you
need you
then don't,
I'm allowed to.
I don't fall back
and expect to be caught,
if I fall, I get back up again,
for I choose to live,
putting all your trust into someone,
who tells you,
they will catch you,
but instead moves away,
is something I don't let myself do.
People let you down.
They also lift you up.
Though allowing myself to
be light enough to be able to be lifted
off the ground, every now and then,
is something I want to achieve,
for gravity and being cynical will keep me grounded.

I am me.
I am not you.
But I am a part of you,
just as you are a part of me.

Because I am me,
is the reason you are not here.
Or if you are still here,
it's because you are still
being lifted.

What I am trying to say is,
that
I
don't
know
who
I
am.

If I hurt you,
I can only say I'm sorry.

Oh, hello

and that's why I love him

"I think I have upset
my whole end of the office
over this dishes crap,
and the f-n milk.
If people want milk
they can go milk a f-n cow themselves
(not you, I’d get milk for you).
God I hate dish duty!!!!!!!"

That's why I love A.

Please consider others.

Thought of the day.


"Please clear any unused time off the
microwave, when you are finished,
some of us have O.C.D
and left over time drives us crazy.
-Thanks!"

Ahh yes.

Today I am sick.
I caught a cold from Breezey on Sunday,
possibly over breakfast or getting a tan
on St Kilda beach.
Doesn't matter, she's rad.


Here's B making out with me.

So anyway, I'm sick and
I love going to the pharmacy.
They make me feel wanted.

I went today
and yelled a metre from the counter
to the girl "I'm sick"
I didn't want to get too close.
She said "So am I, come here"
Great.
She recommended nasal spray.
I said I didn't like it,
(I usually dislike things
I haven't tried before,)
but she sold it.

Sold it well.

In considering others,
I'm sitting at my desk being
all gross with snot and tissues
and nasal spray.

Not to mention that I'm probably germy,
and I wonder when people say to me,
"Oh you should go home, if you're sick"
whether it's because they genuinely want
me to get better, or because they don't
want to catch it off me.

Either way, I'm staying.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION

This is not a love song.

but will you love me tomorrow?

I am a useless girlfriend.

Only the innocent feel guilt.

All these things that I've done.

I have an etsy shop now.
hellojett
my little empire is growing.

Just to double check that I cannot be
Googled for my alter ego, I found only
two items...
Two book reviews that I did for Allen & Unwin.
Favourite quote from my review:

As someone who never experienced the quiet club,
but perhaps should quite often in my adult life,
I especially enjoyed the line
“Since he’s in the Quiet club,
Billy signs a swear word”.

Went to see The Pharmacist
at Trades Hall last night,
what fun, this is what living
in Melbourne is all about.
I love that we have such a culture,
I wish I had the courage.
(Maybe I should go and see
the wonderful & terrible
wizard of oz, for a placebo).

I didn't like that M didn't like it,
entirely bored throughout,
he deemed it pointless.
And questioned the cockney accented lecturer character,
"Anyone with a cockney accent, isn't a lecturer".

At least she gave it a go.