Its a festivas for the rest of us.

I was trying to think of New Years resolutions,
but the only thing I can think of is to let go.

I'm going to draw everyday.
I'm going to get a job I like.
I'm going to live with M.
I'm going to buy a xylophone
a graphics tablet,
film making software,
a bicycle.

I'm also going to load the film in my Oktomat
camera properly.

http://www.asofterworld.com/
I have this print on my wall:
http://www.asofterworld.com/print_layout.jpg
My favourites are
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=79
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=60
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=43
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=38
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=9

Work today. Making me angry.
Hulk angry.
1. Dickhead fawn pants is humming.
2. My boss told me to hold on to stuff
faxed by a student. I'd put it in the mail
with a "Yeah and?" post-it attached as
she didn't explain herself.
She just faxed statements
and invoices,
he took it out of the mail and gave it back to me.
Hold onto it, she might call.

Fuck this I'm going to a cafe.

*******************************************
Waah, I drive to the airport,
get stuck in traffic because the train boom
wont open, I turn around just in time to almost
crash into a speeding 4WD, who the fuck speeds,
when everyone is trying to turn around?
He was going at least 70!
My heart was all over the shop.
So I find a new route, get stuck at another boom gate,
the car in front crosses the tracks, I follow very closely
and get to the other side.
I get to the airport,
can't find the carpark I'm supposed to stay at,
get a ticket for long term parking,
get on the bus, get to the terminal,
check into an empty departures lounge
and get told that my plane left an hour ago.
Fucking TIGER AIRWAYS YOU FUCKING FUCKS.
There's 2 other people in my situation,
some foreigners, with a son who's dropping them off.
We get told there's no flight until tomorrow morning,
that's the best they can do.
The son is angry, he's found a wheel chair to sit in.
He's shouting at the other strays in the departure area,
telling them about Tiger Airways being the worst
airline, "Its not even an airline, its a shambles".
The father says he's going to sue,
which I find hillarious, this isn't America, wanker,
they demand a seat,
cause a scene,
the son still wheeling around in the chair
shouting obscene things,
and the guy finds them a Virgin flight,
they have to pay for the flight and get refunded the money
from this one.
They're about to leave and I'm asked if I want the same
flight, I say that I can't afford it,
then try my luck
-Oh because I'm poor I can't get on another fight?

The girl takes the others to the Virgin departures,
and I'm stuck with the guy who offers to pay
using his credit card, his money, just so I can be with my
family, because he'd love to be with his family,
he didn't want to offer in front of the other people.
-Um, no, its ok, we probably earn the same amount,
thanks anyway.
I finally get transferred to tomorrow's flight.
I get back on the bus, with the same creepy driver,
who is surprised and when we reach the carpark,
says he's called through and I just have to make a deal,
with the lady on the gate about my parking ticket.
Sweet.
I finally find my car,
its freezing,
I have a migrane and I just want to get home.
The lady gives me good cop, bad cop.
"I'll let you through, you're supposed to pay,
but you're coming back tomorrow?"
-Yes (but not to this carpark).

Why bother getting angry,
it didn't solve anything,
just proves if you've got money
you're more likely to fight for things.

If you haven't, you just accept
that you'll be hugged another day.

I drive back, to get caught in the same
train boom gate traffic,
this time the police are on the line...
I finally get home,
rearrange a few things.
And fall asleep.

And now I'm going back to bed,
to dream of being kissed by my lover
at the airport tomorrow.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hold me closer tiny dancer

On rotation today:
Tiny dancer - Elton John
One crowded hour - Augie March
Waltz #2 xo - Elliot Smith
Far away - Martha Wainwright
Happy birthday - Sufjan Stephens

The opening credits for Mr Magoriums
wonder emporium
by William Joyce
were fantastic,
the colours were perfect,
this and the lines;
"Do we need the number four?"
"If you like squares, you do."
were the best part of the whole film.
I don't rate Natalie Portman at all.
You can watch the opening credits
here:
http://www.reelfx.com/launch.html
This is what I want to do.

Today my friend and I must have pointed out
a billion sexy boys.
We also saw Guy Pierce at the Rose Street
artists markets, who isn't sexy.
But she was glad she came to Melbourne
and saw someone famous.
Actually also she saw the model from the Calvin Klein ad,
in Myer.
By the end of the day,
when we got off the tram,
I said
-Oh look at his shoes I love mens shoes.
She said "No you just love men".

She also wondered if I had high expectations of men,
of love and romance.
What can I say.
Is there anything else to live for?



-I don't know whether I'm more in love with you,
or weather I'm more in love with the inspiration,
lust, hurt, happiness, the...
Chase
I don't know what I'd do if I had you.
No idea.
(This was about someone else. A few years ago,
its good to know that when I fall, I fall deep).

In Nova where we had lunch,
there was a man sitting on his own,
he looked nice
until I saw his shoes.
Shame.

When I was in Japan I found the
Clarks Natalie's my lover wanted for ages.
He said if I found them he'd marry me.
I was choked up, nervous, excited,
I'd found them.
Buying them for him was the most satisfying feeling.

Over lunch my friend told me her theory
of what has happened to the world.
"In the 80's so many self help books
came out, telling people to be selfish, to say no,
to get what they want, have what they want,
be what they want.
That's where it all started to go wrong,
no one gives a crap about anyone else.
Its all about them.
No one gets up for pregnant women on the train
anymore, I had to the other day and the husband
looked so grateful."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I think I just faded.
I'm going to sleep now.
2 days M x.

And what exactly attracts you to the leisure industry?

Another job interview.

Again I was asked
"So is this what you want your career to be?"

-Are you crazy?
This is what I'm going to do,
until I get paid enough money
to make tiaras out of paper.

How do you answer that without sounding like a loser?
I love Admin! Yay.

I hope I don't get it.
I don't want to make coffee for anyone.
Even if I do get paid $2000 more a year.

I actually said in an example of teamwork...
-When the general and the student call centres
joined together, we had a wealth of knowledge,
which helped immensely,
it was kind of like,
with our powers combined..."

I had a giggle about that.
They didn't.

And at the end its my turn to interview them,
-Give me a day in the life of this job.
"Well, you'll start by getting my coffee from the cafe,
we have a really great coffee shop on campus,
staple, photocopy, answer phone blah... etc.
so is that something you'd be interested in?"
- I like the coffee part.

I can't believe I said that.

Ah well try too hard and I might just get the fucking job.

eh?

Grade me.

A, phoned today at work
and asked if I'd seen the newsletter,
-Yes but I don't read it.
"No one reads it, can I read it to you?
Systems have done a fantastic job,
with the upgrade" etc.
-Well done, that's good.
"No one acknowledges anything".
-You aren't paid for praise.
"No I'm paid to work for no thanks".
-Thank you A, you've done a great job,
really.
"Thanks, is M there? She'll read it aloud to everyone".
-Yes, I'll pass you through.
"Good, because I want everyone to know"
-Ahhhh A you are good.
"Grade me!"

I passed him through, but it wasn't read aloud.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
These are examples of my work.
It was either this, and feel really good about myself.
Or check into Silence Camp at Pomona.
Here goes.
Grade me. Tell me I'm good.



In the style of Modern Toss.
My friend had her wisdom teeth out.
It says
"Man, my wisdom teeth hurt"
"Fuck your wisdom teeth".

This was drawn at the Troubadour 20/8/05 in Brisbane.


This is my tattoo, it was also on some stationary I got at a comic shop in London.

Monday night art class.

(Who's wine is it anyway).

September 2007.

This was from a comic I drew for S

(June 2005)

called

...and you will know me by the trail of texts.

It says

On the way home.

I stopped in at the same scenic lookout,

I stopped at on the way to the parking lot.

Its 7.30am. (Should have stayed here).

The Sun is up, birds are singing, AFI on ipod.

The moon was beautiful last night.

I went to the mountains to watch the sun rise,

but I ran out of petrol.

This is from a comic called,

Random Long Weekend,

June 2005.

It says

"You have this look about you that's quite perplexing".

-That's a good thing.

"No, No I mean, you use weird facial expressions that don't relate

to the situation, like uncontrolable facial expressions".

-Oh

The many inappropriate facial expressions of Jett.

I could use any of these if you came up to me in a bar.

Though if I like you I'll tell you.

This was part of my visual diary I did in Japan.

July 2007.

Idioms on painting.

It says

"You've painted me as the fraud I really am".

This is a new idea,

it says

"Are you following me, because I like you too".

Abstract?

The colours actually make sense if you look hard.

Left side copied from Paperchase mouse pad,

right side, from my own talent.

Angry bunnies.

I love these so much.

R asked me to draw an Eskimo.

I was doing a square theme.

French.

From square theme.

Pages from my visual scrapbooks.

I love love love love love these sooooooo much.

My all time favourite page.

Well there you have it.

A range of my work.

I also do photography.

I'm not very good at anything really.

Although I am completely hard on myself.

If you'd like to comment, feel free.

If you want me to work for you.

I cost $ Lots.00

I only have to give 2 weeks notice.

And I'm all yours.

I'm all yours anyway.

There that's better.

Thinking what I think they're thinking.

I didn't sleep last night.

At 4am, I heard some moaning coming from upstairs,
that and "Breathe", "Take deep breaths".
I thought,
well the man upstairs is alone, maybe he's gay?

At 4.20 I get up as I hear people on the stairs.
I look out of the peep hole in the door and see medics,
and my neighbour struggling down stairs,
the medic said "Maybe you've slipped a disk
when you sneezed".
A bed was wheeled,
and he got on.

I went back to bed.
To think.

I'm home from work now and
he's upstairs, home from the hospital.
With heavy painkillers.
I can tell because I can hear him snoring.

At work today I looked up
"Overcoming depression",
I did the Ivan Golding survey for depression.

I scored 68.

The results;
55 and above, is "Severe Depression".

My desk neighbour did the quiz too,
and she scored 55.
She said that it didn't mean anything.

Phew.

Then I looked up Miranda July.
I'm ready to forgive her.
Because she's a lot like me than I wanted her to be.
To enter her website,
http://mirandajuly.com/
you have to enter a secret password.

It says
"You know the password,
just clear your mind and look within,
it will probably be the first word you think of".
I type BELIEVE
and am let in.
There was no password last time I looked at her site.

I am looking at doing one of the assignments.
I am thinking of the
"Make an encouraging banner"
On her
http://learningtoloveyoumore.com/
website.

I am thinking of
"You are a smart, personable woman,
its only a matter of time before you get something you want".

Which is what my friend J wrote to me.
I love my friends knowing what to tell me.

When I was on the Overcoming depression website,
I learnt that you shouldn't encourage a depressive.

If that depressive can't get motivated to get out of bed,
don't offer to do their house work.
This is encouraging them to stay depressed.

What about when that depressive,
is lonely and wants to be held?

Ah well. Its not going to happen anyway.

The desk calendar quote today was
"Pessimists look left and right,
before crossing a one way street".

Its true. I do.
You never know what loser is driving the wrong way.
I know, my ex-boyfriend got booked for making this mistake.
(My ex-boyfriend is not a loser).
********************************************
I've got to stop hiding from people
who probably aren't thinking what I think they're thinking.

Its time to party

This was one of the best shows I've ever seen.

Andrew W.K. was brilliant,

the crowd was brilliant,

the venue was brilliant.

He's one of those annoying Americans

that try to get you ready to party,

"Are you ready to party?"

YEAH!!!

"I said,

ARE. YOU. READY. TO. PARTY?!!!"

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It worked.

It was so much fun,

he said that he didn't take anything for granted,

that we should look around the room and our lives

and really appreciate everything,

and well, party till we puke!

hee hee, what a hillarious clever happy man.

Here's something I never thought I'd do,

but what the hell,

he is so cool.

And how rad are the t shirts.

I remember playing

She is beautiful in the car when I was driving with

this boy I liked to the valley to watch The Killers...

I wanted him to listen to the lyrics

"I never knew girls existed like you,

and now that I do,

I'd really like to get to know you"

and fall in love with me.

After I read my stars the other day,

I've been thinking about being the best person

I can be.

My stars said something like

Today you should stop thinking you are better than

everyone else.

I think I have low self esteem as it is,

sometimes thinking I'm better than everyone is a saving grace.

Today though I'm not.

At all.

One little vegetarian isn't going to save the world.

Isn't my mum encouraging?

I filled out a petition today to stop ANZ funding the
Pulp Mill in Tasmania.

I was wanky and said:
Voting The Greens wasn't the only thing I'm choosing to do this year,
I vote for no pulp mill and I choose not to bank with ANZ.
If you must go ahead, why don't you start using 80% recycled paper
easily available from your stationers, your customers would love it.

The guy running the show Mr Smith,
looks like the sort of pighead (literally),
who wouldn't get up for pregnant women on a bus.
Why should he care about not funding a paper mill,
that would probably supply some free paper along the way.

I also didn't eat meat.
I've been vegetarian for around 3 months now.
(As well as some time at school, I can't rember how long).
I was looking at vegan websites for recipies,
and vegetarian sites that were linked.
I watched a meet your meat video from PetaTV in America
on broiler chickens.
I'm always so afraid of watching videos on animal cruelty
because I get very upset and think about it for years,
but this wasn't too bad, it was basically just the story
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGy9oTfH27s (its also on youtube)
of their 45 day life.

Apparently being a vegetarian saves 100 animals a year.
But when you think about it most people eat meat everyday
and not necessarily left overs from yesterdays meal.
So that means most people eat "a part of" 365 animals a year.

I've decided only to buy soy milk too from now on.

I'm also going to be very careful when I buy Free Range eggs,
as I learnt that just because the chicken isn't in a cage,
doesn't mean they have room to step away from the shit they've just done.

I'm so fucking angry.
Because its easier to give up than you think.

[I wish I was] on the dance floor.

Sometimes when I wake up
I wish that I was at a nightclub dancing.

My house ipod played Someday by the Strokes,
which is a fine song to dance to.

I don't want to go with people who worry about
getting home at a reasonable time.

Or people who don't get silly-drunk and fall over.
Falling over when drunk is the reason to get drunk.

I wish my lover was here.

()()()()()()()()()()()()&&&()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Its Monday.
I have a job interview today.

I have new shoes!

I'm going to smile all day.

That was today.
Tonight...

I passed both my assignments.
Just the exam to pass now.

I think I'm starting to accept that I'm not going to amount for anything.

Its easier to accept the following

a) I'm an audience member
b) I rate quality advertising
c) I'll never afford Onitsuka Tiger shoes
d) I wont own a country house so I can play drums
e) I am not a writer
f) I wont ever make felt covered hair clips
g) I don't buy people enough presents to justify 7 different kinds of tape
h) I'm useless at photography

At my interview today,
K the manager said
"So for the past 7 years, you've just side stepped?"