You can't go there.

Its my first day as a permanent
staff member.
We're having a system upgrade.
So we're going home at lunch time.

I've decided to stay in the city,
maybe the NGV, maybe the cinema,
maybe put stuff I like
on a wishlist, maybe buy the paper and
do the crossword in a cafe.

Whatever it is, it'll be an adventure.
I'll even take pictures on my camera phone
to share.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Ok its 3:11.
I'm going home in 49 minutes.
We had a liquid lunch.
And we talked about my getting
a permanent job,
and that my old boss
liked me because with most temps,
they don't last long,
or they're useless.
"With you, just show you a couple
of screens and leave you to it".

Its a compliment.



I was guilted into staying.
There is literally nothing
to do today.
I've answered about 6 phone calls.
But at least I'm listening to my ipod.

I went to the shop with my
cafe latte in my Chicago mug.
The man in the shop,
told people the other day,
that I was his favourite customer,
today he said
"My coffee's aren't good enough
for you anymore?"
-I have a Chai Latte!
"I make those".

I bought a chocolate and
wished I had more money,
and that he was better looking.

The boys from the other side of
the building were hanging out
outside, they're a bit emo,
he was wearing an iron maiden shirt.
I am wearing my skinny jeans
and Macbeths.
I prayed he didn't ask me what kind
of music I liked.
Um. Kent?
I have one saving grace,
I LOVE The Scare.
They're kind of Macbeth-shoe
wearing-OKAY.
What am I worried about?
No one ever talks to me.

So from my adventures today,
I have one photo so far.
The graffiti in the bar,
was tattoos.



I came back to work,
twirled my umbrella
and looked at etsy.com
This is lovely.
I'm now leaving in 38 minutes.

I'm only here because the suckfulbitch
who's going on holiday with the boss
is here.

Do I claim freedom of speech,
if anyone from my new work reads this?

Disclaimer: Lapses of diplomacy happen often.

I'm going to make a calendar at
art class on Monday night.



|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*
My mother yesterday said to me that she
wants to go home.
She then said
"Do you know what I mean by that?"
-Yes, home is the nostalgia of every
warm memory you've ever known.

You can't go there.

Overall thought

Tuesday 25th September 2007 3:48pm.
I am officially bored.

These are my thoughts for this afternoon.
I often wonder if someone asks you,
"What do you think of..."
Will I have an answer?

Here goes.

1. What do you think of Lawn Bowls?
I used to work at a Bowls club.
My most memorable times were
a) talking to Captain, he used to be
a gymnast for Australia.
b) shouting at a long-term member,
telling him I'd kick him out for being rude,
after I'd put his kino on for 200 games at $1
instead of 1 game for $200,
I told him, he shouldn't gamble his money away if
he was going to be so concerned about it.
c) cute couple B and G,
met at bowls when they were 15.
they are now 19,
and have bought a house together.
Overall thought: Positive.

2. What do I think of sellotape?
a) its called sellotape not stickytape.
b) its very useful
c) it yellows with age
Overall thought: Positive.

3. What do I think of trashy magazines?
a) i like to look at the fashion pictures
b) i like to do the crossword
c) i don't buy them
Overall thought: Positive.

4. What do I think of working at Uni?
a) its easy to study/use library etc
b) getting paid for doing very little
c) they don't use recycled paper
Overall thought: Positive.

5. What do I think of the current government system?
a) there is still gst on tampons
b) my education isn't free
c) they should make healthcare free, encouraging us to
spend $30 a month on private health care to lessen the burdon
on the health care system is a sham.
we could spend $30 to sponsor a child each month.
(I choose to sponsor a child, instead of paying for private health care).
Overall thought: Negative.

I am so bored today.
Tomorrow I'm going to bring in my assingments.
4:01pm.

and I still go to the shop to buy sweets.

This photo was taken in Sydney in July 2007.
My sister was with me.
I'd just been stalked by some guy,
who followed me into priceline.
I was not in the mood to hug strangers.

Maybe its completely normal,
but I often feel a bit silly,
after the fact of,
going to the shop
just to buy sweets.

Not just regular sweets either,
yesterday I bought sour roll-up straps,
fizzers and fads.

Honestly, is it any wonder
I wake up with a hangover.

I'm trying to clean up my flat a bit,
if M is moving in,
then I'll need to sort my shit out.


Right now I've got a pile of letters
on the table, I re-read them, cut out the
best bits and put them in a scrapbook
that I started about 6 years ago.
Dollface has written to me almost every
week forever, she's stopped now that
we're 2 tram stops apart,
which is probably a good thing
for the environment.
Although saying that
a lot of them are on the back of something.
I just cut out a bit that she wrote after
going to a fashion show and talking to a stylist..
"Since when did matching a top to
a pair of fucking shoes,
become a job?"

Yesterday we went to see Forbidden Lies.
At St Kilda,
its nice to go across town sometimes.
Norma Khouri is amazing,
I just can't get over the fact that
although she knows and we know she's lying,
she still lies.
How can you live your life full of twisted up facts?
My regular life is hard to keep up with,
let alone one full of made up tales.

No I wasn't at the supermarket,
I was in the carpark,
oh I was at the supermarket,
but I wasn't buying anything.
Yes I have the loaf of bread,
but I paid for it.
I got caught,
because they said I stole it,
but I bought it from another shop,
I will not deny this.
I didn't buy it from here,
I wasn't even here.
I was over there.

There's got to be a medical explanation,
for that woman.
To me she's amazing.
But I would never ever talk to her.

She appplied to do Law at my old uni,
but didn't get in.

Nevertheless her story,
although a lie,
is still reality.
So good on her for that.
Sort of.



I repotted some indoor plants
yesterday.
Three times now, my cat has
dug the soil out all over the floor.
Discipline is something I have to learn.

I want to be full of money.

I have to make a move,
Sunday is slowly slipping away from me.
I slept lots this weekend,
I just wanted it to be over.
But now I don't.

You know what you deserve?

In the lift at lunch time there
was a courier with a leather eye patch.
It was so bizarre,
like Tank Girl or Mad Max!
I thought he was so cool.

I got the job,
even after being told off
for the 'way' I asked for
what I'm worth.
I got the salary I want,
I also got a
"We'll soon find out if you
deserve it".

R told me that they're all
a bunch of hicks from Glenroy.
He left yesterday.
For the better uni.

I only knew him for a couple of weeks,
but it was the best couple of weeks.
I really liked the way,
he openly hated the uni,
and my new manager.
I liked the way he stuck up for
the Aspergers girl.
He said he was proud of her for
quitting before she was fired.
She's smarter than the lot of them.

I liked the way that he talked
about his family,
giving his daughter his last $10,
his coffee machine collection
and said marrying his wife was
the best thing he ever did,
for the love and the finances.
(I complained that being single
is no good on the finances).

He gave me a cd of his band.
Stalag 13,
Its pretty cool.
And he thanks Mike Ness,
I thank Mike Ness.

If Blogger now
has no choice of
font or colour,
or the opportunity to use my
primative html skills,
then I'm leaving.
Do you hear that you corporate fucks?!

Last night after work,
I went to a 5pm screening of Once.
I had to ask where the Dendy was,
I don't know what it is about talking to
strangers, it came out all wrong,
a bit eastern european.
Excuse me, do you knew where kino is, dendy is?
It was so lovely,
I almost cried,
I wish my lover was here.
Afterwards I just wandered around the city,
it was cold and raining
and there was awful collingwood scum,
hanging around.
I just wanted to sit in a cafe.

I got the book called
No one belongs here more than you
by Miranda July.
I started reading it on the tram home,
thinking that it'd be better if I knew
she had something wrong with her,
the way she writes is a little bit cringeworthy.

Thanks to:
Mike Ness.

I don't want your money honey, I want your love.

Talked to M this morning,
we've both put the lottery on.

Because its the only way we'll be together.

*****************************************

This old lady knocked on my door
this morning,
I sneaked up to look
through the peep hole and
her head was bent down and
she just kept knocking.

She eventually gave up.
And ambled upstairs.
I felt a little bad.
But its my door and I'll choose whether
to answer it or not.

***********************************

I got the job and I start at the end of the month.
My new desk is next to the front door.
Where everyone can see
which porn sites I look at.

***************************************

There's a guy at my work who types with
his two middle fingers.
I'm doing it now and its bloody hard.

Have a go yourself.

There's nothing for you here.

I had a dream I was at a carnival
in Royston Vasey.
It was awful and all the stalls,
and tents were dark and bleak.
There was someone fire breathing.
I don't know why I was there,
I had to wear a big dress,
and had big hair,
and then once the girls were all ready,
we left and walked through the carnival,
with its horrid people saying their carney speak.
A lady in the fortune teller tent offered to tell my fortune,
I didn't have time
and she said 'you'll regret it'.

4 things happened today.

1. I have 2 tram crushes.
The first is much younger then me, he has greasy hair.
I've seen him a few times and like to keep looking up from my book,
try to catch his eye as I pretend to look out the window.
Its sort of an upward movement of my eyes,
and then a turn of the head.
(I really must hire someone to spy on me one day,
just to see if I am really a loser).
He hides behind his fringe and ignores me.

The other I saw today,
actually he saw me.
So I started to wonder
if I could like someone in light brown cords
and an ugly green zipper jumper
and I decided,
probably,
because he has the same shoes as me.
It was great in the end, because the tram was so packed
that I managed to sneak off, without him even seeing me,
so the next time he'd look up, I wouldn't be there.
It felt great.

In my romantic head,
I decided that when the doors had closed,
and a few people had moved aside,
he'd see my empty seat,
and his heart would fall.

I told Dollface and she told me that
R gets the free paper MX from the city
and reads the letters page,
heaps of people write funny things
like "I saw you on the 96 tram,
you were listening to your Ipod,
I had on a red cardigan,
let's miss a tram together".

(I don't catch the 96 tram).

2. I decided to wear my wrap dress, jeans
cardigan and converse.
My supervisor at lunch said:
"C____, you have so many clothes,
I don't think I've ever seen you in the
same outfit twice, I feel so daggy in
what I wear".
Which because she'd said she felt so daggy,
I took it as a compliment.

Then later, another lady said,
"Its an interesting outfit you're wearing,
you can put the dress and the jeans on in the
morning and take the jeans off later in the day,
when it warms up a bit".
I said it was my Indian look.
(I also have a riding look).
She laughed alot.
And said "If you feel comfortable..."

I'm not sure, and yes I do.

3. I went to Fitzroy gardens on my lunch break,
my intention was to take a photo of the statue,
of the girl who has the same shaped boobs as me.
I was going to then take one of mine,
and do something arty on photoshop.
I got embarrassed and all I had was my camera phone anyway.

I sent a text to M about it,
this was our conversation:
-I was going to do this arty thing... etc.
"Show me your tits",
-God M, go have a wank.
"God C, take a chill pill".
- I am chilled, tell me you love me sometime,
instead of 'show me your tits'.
"Love you... I'm sure that in the next couple of days
I'll make you smile lots and gush with happiness".
-What about?
"If I tell you now you won't have the same effect!"

What effect am I going to have?

I didn't know what to say.
Goodie?
Can it be now?
Can you give me a hint?
What is the first letter and the last letter?
A couple of days is Thursday.


4. I downloaded 2 Carpenters songs.
a) Killing me softly
b) Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Art class was a success last night,
Dollface came over and she knitted,
then we sorted stamps for charity,
then she knitted some more and
I made a bird out of felt.
She made a star with rosy cheeks.

After she'd gone home I texted M,
and he said "How many girls did you have?"
-1/3, I guess no one likes me,
apart from Dollface.

Anyway my new favourite band
is Kent.