Nil.

I just sent my old boss an email
to see if he could still be my referee,
it was a few paragraphs on work,
new years, study etc.
and he replied and said
no problems,
he also said "You sound a bit lonely?
Melbourne is a fun place to live".

I was surprised, I re-read my email to see
if there was anything that may have prompted
him to say that...
I'd even used a few exclamation marks
to show my enthusiasm. ?!

I just re-read the email from my old boss.
He said "Melbourne is a funny place to live".

Truth is I am lonely.
I just don't want it to be obvious.
After M left last weekend,
I met my ex-boyfriend E.
He'd been overseas for 6 months,
on my recommendation that he'd grow up a bit,
and make him more focused.
I picked him up,
he was in punk clothes,
braces and all.
We went for dinner,
he told me about his trip,
people he met,
girls he wanted,
the girl he wants who
doesn't seem interested
after a drunken new years' pash.
He had a great experience,
and I feel glad that I helped him out.

I looked at his holiday photos,
and I think I offended him
by throwing my arms up
and making a big circle,
which indicated
-You still want "this"
(meaning the unfocused world),
where you should be looking
for "this",
(making a more compact gesture with my hands).

I feel terrible for saying that,
as yesterday I looked up "How to Meditate"
on Wikihow, in order to be able to focus on what I want.
Its hard to know.
Some people never find it.
We're two of them.
And I know many more.

Then he wanted me to do his Tarot reading.
We went back to my house,
tried to load his photos online
without any luck,
then I did his Tarot,
I read the explanations and
tried to apply them to things
in his life,
his conclusion was that his band
was worth persuing, that he'd be successful.
I wish him the best.

I asked him if he was bored,
as he just kept looking around my flat,
and he said that he was enjoying the peacefulness,
and the cleanliness, as the place his friends were
living was a squat.
________________________________
Dollface got guinea pigs,
Winston who's blind in one eye,
and Clementine, who's missing half a foot.
I get to pet them on the weekend,
and return camping gear,
which will clear some space in my flat.

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I've done nothing all week,
due to sickness;
summer cold.
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