Heads or Tails = Meh or Blah

Day 5 of being unemployed.

Woke up,
what to do?
sent J a message re lunch date.

Couldn't find my pills,
got mad,
kicked a bag.

Job called to say they
were getting impatient with
not getting through to my old boss for a reference.

Gave her my ex-bosses mobile number,
cross fingers,
cursed.

Returned The Dharma Bums to the library.

J texts:
So where do you wanna meet?
Elation in my heart!

Met J.
Job calls,
its offered to me.

Ordered 2 ravioli dishes,
2 pots of tea,
took care of the bill.

Left feeling strangely disappointed.
I suppose its because an hour goes so fast,
and I needed to entertain myself for the rest of the day.

Celebrated getting a new job with
getting new clothes,
new shoes,
new cds,
new lenses for my glasses.

The optometrist notices my Steven Pinker
book in my bag,
She needed to know everything,
needed to know all about me.
Said my hair was a lovely colour.
Charged me $212.

Way home,
another call,
another job.

Day 5 of being unemployed.
Knowing that there'll only be 12 days...

Fuckedness.

Meh.

A fair amount of tossing coins as decision makers - discussions this week.

Dollface email's me with:

J
I've come to realise that of all the planning,
organising, thinking etc we do
to make decisions about the future of our lives,
we could just as easily toss a coin
and end up with the same outcome.
So the moral of the story is:
just do whatever the hell you want,
when you want,
and you will neither be better nor worse off.
B

Don't toss coins, just do what feels good.

Which job to take?
Heads or Tails?
Meh or Blah?

Email to J:
Maybe try to toss a coin.
Heads you work it out and stay, be in love, love and be loved.
Tails you walk away.

Go with your gut feeling when it lands.

It didn't help him.

My interpretations of his emotions are also quite possibly shite.
For example:

Strength comes from making decisions,
anxiety comes from putting them off
and fragility comes from the hands that hold you.

You aren't ever going to be alone.

So the hell with tossing coins.
The hell with thinking.