Choose life

For the record,
I have always been independent.
I am living my life.

If that makes me try to control situations,
within my micro and macro environments,
then that is my living my life,
trying to have the best goddamned ride
I can give myself
before my body turns to dust.

If I let you into my life,
it is because I want you around.
You make up parts of my life.
There are many parts of my life.
I am available, I am also unobtainable.
I choose to be vegetarian,
I choose when I want you around,
I choose when I want to speak,
I choose to keep on living.

Occasionally molecules collide,
and form something new,
something I can't change,
something I adapt to,
something I accept.
Emotions, are mine.
I can be annoyed,
I can be grateful,
that you're around.

Interaction with me,
may cause a positive
or a negative reaction,
or a positive,
and then some day a negative.
Things change and reform,
separate and die off.
I can't help the way I am.
No one else is like me,
no one else is living my life.

I say yes to sex,
I say no to sex,
I can say yes to love
I can also say no,
I dream different dreams to you,
I dream that you are in my dreams,
I dream that I am someone else,
somewhere else.

I am hot
I am cold,
either way at the extremes,
both can burn.
Remember this,
it serves as a warning sign
to the human condition.

My terms,
my conditions,
my choices.
If I'm not happy,
if I'm not satisfied,
if I can't give myself a
money back guarantee,
then it's not on.

You interact with me,
on my terms,
but also on your terms,
for you choose to interact with me.
If you feel that it is too one sided,
that I'm taking more than I give,
that I trust you
love you
want you
need you
then don't,
I'm allowed to.
I don't fall back
and expect to be caught,
if I fall, I get back up again,
for I choose to live,
putting all your trust into someone,
who tells you,
they will catch you,
but instead moves away,
is something I don't let myself do.
People let you down.
They also lift you up.
Though allowing myself to
be light enough to be able to be lifted
off the ground, every now and then,
is something I want to achieve,
for gravity and being cynical will keep me grounded.

I am me.
I am not you.
But I am a part of you,
just as you are a part of me.

Because I am me,
is the reason you are not here.
Or if you are still here,
it's because you are still
being lifted.

What I am trying to say is,
that
I
don't
know
who
I
am.

If I hurt you,
I can only say I'm sorry.