A very nice moment.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
M will get the job,
and we'll make plans.

Tonight I had a job interview at a dentist
in the city.
It wasn't so much an interview as it was
a group information session.

Are you still interested in this job?
Sigh, yes, I guess so.

Meanwhile earlier in the day,
A calls me into his office
and asks me to shut the door.
I was accused of telling people
the student centre have no work.

The source?
"I don't know, its third-hand gossip."
To whom?
"I don't know, its third-hand gossip."

"Its gone up through management."
So should I be scared?

-Not guilty, end of discussion.

Come back to me when you've got something valid
to accuse me of.

It was so humiliating.
I didn't have a clue what they were on about.
But I'll certainly keep to myself from now on.

Steven Pinker says
"Anger protects a person whose niceness has left her
vulnerable to being cheated. When the exploitation
is discovered, the person classifies the offending act as unjust
and experiences indignation and a desire to respond with
moralistic aggression: punishing the cheater by severing the relationship
and sometimes by hurting him."

My god is he good.

Also on love,
"People who are sensible about love are incapable of it."
- Douglas Yates.

-I'm not going to be with anyone unless I get that feeling first.
"That's a pretty unrealistic feeling though isn't it?"

"Usually people do not want any suitor who wants them
too badly too early, because it shows that the suitor is desperate
(so they should wait for someone better),
and it shows that the suitor's ardor is too easily triggered
(hence too easily triggerable by someone else).
-Steven Pinker.

My god is he good.

I quoted this to M when we met.
Which is probably why we're still together.
Because each of us is entirely wary and weary of the
inevitable outcome falling in love brings,
so we will tread with caution for its entirety.
For one of us to break up the other,
would certainly pull us to the depth of misery.
We know this.
And how it feels.
We both have perhaps the possible
desire to do this, but we don't.

And what good would it do?
To begin again.
The point?
Well sometimes its necessary,
instead of
pathetically holding onto past loves,
like they're the only thing saving us
from the terrifying position of actually re-falling in love.
And sometimes its just nice to have a history with someone.

He mentioned a history between us last weekend.
It was a very nice moment.

Him and I are balancing on a see-saw.
Our emotional intelligence is apt enough to remember
what goes around comes around,
and the feelings that brings.
One sudden move from him and I plummet,
and vice-versa.
Somehow perhaps we love each other enough
not to inch off the edge.
But will we test it over and over.
Its expected.

You can either be desirable or a doormat.
Either to many.

And sometimes both at the same time.

But that to me smells of masochism.

I'm too tired to know if this makes any sense.