Exits are located, here, here and here.

Chocolate Cake Slice.

I apologise in advance for letting you in.

Its not worth your time.

Exits are marked with an X.

Crossing the Rubicon.

I met Dollface in town, outside the army disposal.
I walked straight passed her,
obviously well camouflaged.

I told her she was wearing ugly lipstick.

We caught the 57 to North Melbourne,
for what I thought was breakfast,
but it was 2pm.
This holiday-mode-thinking is quite something else.

She pulled the pink lipstick out of her bag,
threw it in the bin
and said "I trust your judgement."

Whilst we were at the cafe
she told me about some things
that her new lover had said,
about being afraid to commit,
to which I said "We think the same things!"
To which she said "Great, put my two favourite
people in a room together and watch the craziness unfold."

Ahh, I like being her favourite person.

Then we checked out Threadden,
as she wants to do a pattern making course;
then did a practice run to the Czech club
for the Vardos tomorrow night.

Then went to a cute shop,
where she bought me an early birthday present
two Blossom & Bill plates,
http://isak.co.uk/products.php?offset=3&cat_id=3
Blossom stirred the sauce and sugared the potatoes
whilst Bill laid the table.
The candlelight flickered
and outside the slowly falling snow kept on falling.
"I hope we will get snowed in" they both secretly thought.

I hope I get snowed in with beardy boy, too someday.

Then we walked to the State Library,
because we couldn't remember what the Microfische
machines were called
and being girly swots we just had to find out.

On the way we also needed to know what Rubicon meant,
so I looked it up on phone google.
answers.com gave:
“Crossing the Rubicon” is a general expression
for taking a dangerous, decisive, and irreversible step."
Its also a river in Italy.

Phone google is our newest toy,
at Loop the other night we needed to know
what film Zipadee doo da was from.
As we'd seen a tipping jar in a cafe with
Tipadee Doo Jar written on it.

I remembered what Microfische was on the way, so I won.

We visited the dome part of the library,
where I successfully scored a dome date with J,
as he said he went but couldn't find it.


Then toasted sandwiches at Hudsons,
then home.

Meanwhile, later that night...

Whilst attempting to make a cup of tea
and scrambled eggs,
I realised that I have no milk.
So I substituted wine for tea
and hard-boiled eggs for scrambled eggs.
Beaming with pride of my quick thinking,
I deduced that I'd probably
survive quite well in the woods.

Heads or Tails = Meh or Blah

Day 5 of being unemployed.

Woke up,
what to do?
sent J a message re lunch date.

Couldn't find my pills,
got mad,
kicked a bag.

Job called to say they
were getting impatient with
not getting through to my old boss for a reference.

Gave her my ex-bosses mobile number,
cross fingers,
cursed.

Returned The Dharma Bums to the library.

J texts:
So where do you wanna meet?
Elation in my heart!

Met J.
Job calls,
its offered to me.

Ordered 2 ravioli dishes,
2 pots of tea,
took care of the bill.

Left feeling strangely disappointed.
I suppose its because an hour goes so fast,
and I needed to entertain myself for the rest of the day.

Celebrated getting a new job with
getting new clothes,
new shoes,
new cds,
new lenses for my glasses.

The optometrist notices my Steven Pinker
book in my bag,
She needed to know everything,
needed to know all about me.
Said my hair was a lovely colour.
Charged me $212.

Way home,
another call,
another job.

Day 5 of being unemployed.
Knowing that there'll only be 12 days...

Fuckedness.

Meh.

A fair amount of tossing coins as decision makers - discussions this week.

Dollface email's me with:

J
I've come to realise that of all the planning,
organising, thinking etc we do
to make decisions about the future of our lives,
we could just as easily toss a coin
and end up with the same outcome.
So the moral of the story is:
just do whatever the hell you want,
when you want,
and you will neither be better nor worse off.
B

Don't toss coins, just do what feels good.

Which job to take?
Heads or Tails?
Meh or Blah?

Email to J:
Maybe try to toss a coin.
Heads you work it out and stay, be in love, love and be loved.
Tails you walk away.

Go with your gut feeling when it lands.

It didn't help him.

My interpretations of his emotions are also quite possibly shite.
For example:

Strength comes from making decisions,
anxiety comes from putting them off
and fragility comes from the hands that hold you.

You aren't ever going to be alone.

So the hell with tossing coins.
The hell with thinking.

Where is the life that I recognise?

Day 4 of being unemployed.
I went to the libray,
borrowed Steven Pinker - The stuff of thought,
and
Gregorian pop chants.
Steven Pinker is brilliant.
Gregorian pop chants are brilliant.

Ordinary World - Duran Duran
Join me - H.I.M
Sacrifice - Elton John
Fields of Gold - Sting
Blasphemous Rumours - Depeche Mode

Maybe its because I'm reading The Dharma Bums,
Maybe its because I quit my job,
Maybe its because I'm in love with all the people I love,
Maybe its because I hiked in the forest,
Maybe its because I'm insane,
but I'm truely digging my life right now.

I texted Nizhey today to say;
I really dig who you are.

He replied and said he's going to silence camp at Pomona.
Fuck.
I wish I was going with him.

In anycase Nizhey is coming to visit me soon,
I told Dollface on our hike that I missed him
and she said lets chip in and fly him down here!
Rock on.

Don't worry,
there'll be no sex,
with my ex.

By my calculations, I have enough money for 2 months' rent.
Unless I sell my car, then I'll have enough for 4 months' rent.
Unless I sell my furniture, then I'll have enough for 5 months' rent.

Fuck yeah.
I'm meditating to my Gregorian Chants,
(the real Benedictine Monks - also)
reading,
drinking Russian Caravan tea,
going for long walks,
dancing in the candle light.

I'm going to paint tomorrow.
Or maybe tonight.

I can't seem to stay awake,
but then I can't sleep.
Just in a state of floating.

Float on...
Join me.

hehe I said dandedongs

Saturday texts.
Dollface: I have a massive craving for the mountains.
U wanna climb a dandenong tomorrow?
hellojett: YES, life gets better!
Sunday texts.
Dollface: Not sure about mtns, rain & wind predicted.
hellojett: Its only weather.
Dollface:Yeah what the hell. I'll pick you up in an hour.
hellojett: I'm taking a flask of tea.
Dollface: Rock.
Meanwhile, packing nail varnish, tea, umbrella, 2 pairs of gloves, 2 cameras..
Waiting, waiting....

Dollface: Sorry, tried to do my tax. Running late. Leaving in 10.

Road trip is fun, we listen to awesome music,
chat about boys,
giggle and get excited.

We arrive in the country,
I need cigarettes.
We stop in the village
and I get cigarettes
and sour gekko sweets.

Dollface finds a fudge shop,
orders 2 lots...
Shop Assistant to me: - Do you want any?
Me: Oh, I didn't see the fudge shop, I already got sweets.

Ok now, where are the walking tracks?
Dollface suggests there should be a big sign that says
"Worlds Greatest Walking Track HERE!"
There isn't one, but I find one on the map,
that we drive to easily.

Dollface somewhere in the Dandenongs.
Me somewhere in the Dandenongs.

10 minutes into our hike,

we both need to wee.

Weeing in the forest is kinda cool.

Maybe I'm seeing things, but there appears to be some kind of mystical doorway at the end of the bridge. Shame I didn't try to go through it.
I hugged some lovely trees, told them they were good, and asked them to always be there.

Dollface was scared to get in. Figuring that she'd disturb some bats.

There was no bats in the tree.

I pretend I didn't fit.
Mystical aged worty tree. Dollface turned around and said "Man, you're so cool, smoking on the hike."

a) as if I need encouragement,

b) i'm an experienced walker and smoker.

she needed to take my picture.

Rad, we walk and walk and walk, through muddy muddy mud.
I hug more trees, drink tea, take photos, smoke.
We get back to the car and listen to I can climb mountains by Hell is for heroes.
Fuck yeah, what a wonderful life I have.

This is a delicate thing.

I watched High Fidelity again.
Its a great film.
Rob: Now, the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art.
Many do's and don'ts.
First of all you're using someone else's poetry to express how you feel.
This is a delicate thing.

I am so fucking happy.
My last day at work went ok.
Helped G, with emails, fucked about,
gave presents to the people that matter.
J got my Jade plant,
E got my dictionary,
L got a post-it note pad with my name around the edges,
L got my Kimberly Clark sanitiser wipes,
B got my pedometer,
and well G,
she got my job.
I went to a job interview, that went well.
So okay in fact that they gave me feedback
in the interview,
asked about my middle name,
asked why I left school and had a blank between 1997
and 2000...
I wasn't sure that working as a cashier,
and a factory assistant was worth printing...

I didn't read the position description,
I just applied.
I had no idea what job I was being questioned about.
What attracted you to the job?
What skills do you have that would suit this role?
Have you got a continuing desire to be in this role?
Slowly words such as media, presentations, updating websites
came up.
I'm still not sure what the job is.
Media Assistant?
I can do that.
Hell yes.

Wonder if someone will ask about this blank space
in time one day.

I lived. Will be my answer.

My boss gave a nice speech
at morning tea.
That I was late to, as I was reinstating my last student into her course...
He said that I had a great rapport with my students and fellow staff members,
so much so, that I will be sorely missed.

Then it was my turn,
"It really has been good working here,
but when all your friends that you made,
start to leave and you're left with.. well.. you know,
and then you realise that its time to go too."

I'M JOKING.

Fuck man I say the dumbest things.

So that's the story,
now I'm free,
no more work.

Completely insane, considering that mostly on occasion I'm

to quote Jack Kerouac in The Dharma Bums;

'poor
and mostly poor
and truely poor.'

So after work drinks
lasted all of 2 drinks,
the people who would have carried the show,
left early,
or weren't there,
or didn't show up.

Today I'm going to watch L and L's play/musical called Enough.
L has the lead role, and the other L sits in the front row
and does her part.
L sings and rides a BMX.
I'm taking Dollface and I'm going to sit next to L.
Looking forward to it.
http://www.fortyfivedownstairs.com/whatson.php

Just got a text from Dollface.
'I have a massive craving for the mountains.
U wanna climb a Dandenong tomorrow?'
I reply with
'YES, and life gets better.'

Looking forward to the country air,
the great outdoors,
and screaming
"Its fucking shite being Scottish"
to the wind.

So what now?
I'd better put the lottery on for tonight,
as I need some money for rent and food I guess,
to live this lifestyle I've now chosen.

The back of my mind
begs the question
the the front of my mind
pretends not to hear.

shhh....hi C, everything okay? shhh.... just that you seem a little...
and i shhh...thought maybe.. um... shhh...
are you going, uh.... shhh....
do you wonder shhh... if you're going through a... uh... mid-life crisis?
because its okay if you are... shhh...
you can talk about it with me if you like...
we can come up with a solution.... shhh...

I don't imagine for a second I am.
I just want to see what happens,
when I throw everything away.

I've done it before.
and I'll do it again.

Nothing much happens.
But I'm always glad I did.

Burn baby burn

Baking and Burning day
Baking and Burning day 2

Okay Gingerbread men,

Dollface doesn't have any weighing scales.

Dollface doesn't have a mixer.

It was tough going.

Whilst men are in the oven,

we burn diaries.

Dollface scored a metal bin from freecycle.org.au

I have about 5 diaries,

and she had about 15 years worth.

I think it took about 40 minutes.

Memories suck.

33 Paper Cranes

On Sunday I went into town, met Dollface, had crumpets and tea for breakfast, then went to the NGV for the Art Deco exhibit. Bit disappointed by the lack of stuff in the collection.
The 1920s weren't that long ago really. Dollface decided there was more art deco in your local second hand shop.




So visited the favourite gallery on the top floor. http://www.artist.co.uk/l_s_lowry/man_taken_ill.shtml This is not a picture of A Man Taken Ill by L S Lowry. hmmm. He's brilliant, and I want to start drawing again.
Google images is quite shit actually, if you aren't famous put your pictures in your blog. I don't want to see Sam blowing out his 4th birthday candles. Quit clogging up my time with your boring fucking life.

So one day I am going to live here. http://www.sacred-destinations.com/england/images/cornwall/st-michaels-mount/mount-cc-james-logan.jpg
I invited Dollface to watch the Vardos http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=112480898, she said that she might invite her new boyfriend. He wants to check out the gypsy band and would like to meet me as she talks about me alot.
See.
"Plus I talk about you all the time and because I've painted you as a funny/brilliant/engaging nutcase, he wants to meet you :)"

Its just weather outside. Take three.

I'm 1924th in the race.

Playballonacy is a great concept.
Fantastic way to get around and visit new sites,
there's a lot of design blogs so its good for me.

If you see me, give me a boost!

Its just weather outside. Take two.

Favourite Beat Poetry.

Diaries - Anne Waldman.
Martha was a girl after my own heart.
She slept late,
lived for the moment,
and did the thing.
Now this was the truth.
We had not known each other long before
we discovered the common bonds.
One day was like this in the diary:

Got up late. Here I am writing in the diary.
It is 1.00pm. It is raining outside.
Martha is coming over (soon I hope).
The coffee is boiling so I have to go.

Later she showed me her diary:

Raining outside.
Just got up.
1.00pm.
Going over to X's soon.
Coffee is ready.

Then I showed her my diary even later
and we agreed that we had much in common.
I asked her about the X, however, and she said,
"You can never tell can you who might see it?"
I agreed and since then have been using arbitrary
initials to identify the people in my life.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Excerpt:
For C. - Philip Whalen.

I saw the bushes of crimson rhododendron, sparkling wet
Beside the hospital walk - I had to see you.
If you were out, I'd leave these flowers.
Even if I couldn't write or speak
At least I broke and stole that branch with love.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Excerpt:
April fool birthday poem for grandpa. - Diane Di Prima
Today is your
birthday and I have tried
writing these things before,
but now
in the gathering madness, I want to
thank you
for telling me what to expect
for pulling
no punches, back there in that scrubbed Bronx parlor
thank you
for honestly weeping in time to
innumerable heartbreaking
italian operas for
pulling my hair when I
pulled the leaves off the trees so I'd
know how it feels.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Its just weather outside.

360' Panorama
Drapery.
Still life.

Work drinks on Friday night,
lead to drinking way too much,
to listening to A talk about leaving
the mother of his daughter.

I know the girl he's after.
She's too good for him.

I'm not allowed to say anything,
but to be frank, I'll never see him again.

Went to see The Lucksmiths,
I left halfway through
the first song to get food.

Saturday, babysat C for J.
It was ok, I haven't babysat anyone
for years. Played Wii. Got laughed at for
getting a score of 3 whilst C got 23 on the brain academy.

Yeah well who got a distinction for Drawing?
Me.
Who got a high distinction for Photography?
Me. Who got a distinction for Scientific and Quantitative Literacy? Me. Who got a high distinction for Foundation Computing? Me.

Gridded study.

If you recognise this drawing as your photograph, yes I copied it from Flickr.com. I can't remember who you were, but I gridded it and drew it in charcoal.

Today - Sunday... Apparently baking and burning with Dollface. Burning history, diaries. Baking, well I'll just eat...

I don't need the diaries. They're filled with lost loves, depression, events that if I can't remember attending... well.

"Its 8.30pm. Its just weather outside. Made myself a cup of tea, and now going to bed."
Beat poetry was my love in 2005.

I'll have to do another post, because this one enjoys putting in extra spaces.

Are we there yet!

Writer's festival.
Scrabble was my favourite event.
By far.

I have so much to catch up on here.
Going to keep it brief.

27/April/2008
http://www.haikucircus.com/index.htm
Very very good.

I'm so happy tonight, I don't know why
I just have a giddy silly head.
Work was just silly fun, incredibly busy,
helping students, printing invoices, being needed.
That and the fact that I know I'm going to leave very soon.


Soon I'll be flying in the air, working.
That lost feeling, being displaced.
What time is it?
Who cares!
Are we there yet!

Please please please please.

I made this Clarice Bean doll for a swap.

Cute hey?

MIAF - Melbourne International Animation Festival was great.

Well the last 2 sessions weren't great, but I saw 82 films! And then still went to the Dendy and saw The Counterfeiters.

I can't concentrate.

At least this'll end my blog drought.